i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
