I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
i drank out of a bidet.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Randomize
