Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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