Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
you mean i was at the winter classic?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
pray to the hookup gods
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
