Did you just see the Batmobile???
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
