I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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