Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
we're making bets on your personal life
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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