Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
