Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
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Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
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Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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