Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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