We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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