im six kinds of drunk right now
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
