dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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