I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
