I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Randomize
