i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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