I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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