currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
All I want is dick and wine.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
