Plan B is the new Plan A
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I love how my cats smell like pot.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
