I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
