in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
