Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
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