I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
