Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
