Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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