She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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