yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
