I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
