Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Randomize
