You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
