Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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