none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
