So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
