how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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