remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
