the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Randomize
