Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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