I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
