I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
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