dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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