i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
