he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
