I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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