I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
