i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
