Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
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Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
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Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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