morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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