Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
