I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
