I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
