she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
it glows. i had to have it.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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