i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
high people should be assigned attendants
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
