that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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