Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
