Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
