I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
