you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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