Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
