I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
