Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
