Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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