I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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