dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
