you guys were way drunker than both of me
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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