I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
