I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
