I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
