when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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