I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
