I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
