My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
