my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
