It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
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That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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