I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
