just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
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