Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
