So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
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While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
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I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
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