I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
dude i'm inner monologue high
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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