I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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