How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
