dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Randomize
