While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
