i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
