Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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