I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize